June 5, 2011

Stump Breakin'

Puddyhead and I were watching the Preakness the other day, like all inveterate gamblers do, me to find a small trifecta, he to find the holy roller.

Gambling is gambling. Horse racing is horse racing. No one cares.

And yet here's the rub:

As they were bringing the horses to post Guy began waxing eloquent on the glistening hindquarters of these thoroughbreds, which I admit are rather impressive.

"Look at the asses on these beasts," he tells me. "Look at the sweat. The shine. It's like they came from a Clairol bottle."

I was ignoring him, looking at a few horses to bet. Then Pud said:

"Look at that fucker! VMan, I want to stump break that horse, son. And the one next to it."

Guy has never read my novel. He doesn't know Futch sex from anyone else's. But he was ready to stump break a horse. And even I am not sure what exactly stump breaking entails. I mean, I'm from south Georgia, and he's from Long Island, and he wants to learn me?

"You realize," says I, "That is a colt, right? He has testicles. Male. Might stump break you."

"I don't care," says Pud. That's a beautiful ass. I want to stump break it. It shines."

There you go. I don't create my world. I adapt to it. I become adept at it. And eventually I adopt it.

It surely is a crazy world.

Posted by Velociman at June 5, 2011 10:18 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Yes, resignation always brings a sense of peace, I guess.

"Stump break" sounds. . . painful for all involved.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at June 6, 2011 7:51 AM

I know the colorful details of stump breaking, heard 'round the pool in Bandera, Texas, two summers ago. Denny can tell it better, though.

Posted by: Harper at June 8, 2011 10:37 AM

v-man - It's too bad you weren't at Camp Blownstar two years ago when the owner of the ranch got off on stump breaking and other facets of animal husbandry. It would have been even better if you and Catfish would have been there. It's a shame that we couldn't find enough people with money to rent the ranch again this year and have moved to a hotel in Kerrville. Thanks Obungler for fucking up the economy. What sucks is that the hotel is gonna cost as much as the ranch without the food and the beer and other adult beverages.

Nice to see you blogging again.

Posted by: Denny at June 8, 2011 6:46 PM

Vman, you might want to keep hold of some pepperspray when watching the horses with that friend; and 'member, empty beer bottles still have one final use.

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